To continue from yesterday’s post, I would like to talk a little bit about our worth and how we measure it. Throughout my life, I have really struggled with my worth. I had a tendency to “be all things to all men” in the wrong ways so that I could fit in. I tried buying the brand name clothing; I tried drinking and partying; I tried to conform my interests to be interesting to those around me. During this period in time, I called it “finding myself”. I didn’t recognize that I was trying to be someone who I am not, until God revealed that to me. My soul’s true desire is to serve my Lord and Saviour. I want to lead a meaningful life. I want to make an impact. God knew that before even I did.
We all do this in some way or another. We try to please other people and neglect our desire to please God. When I first became a Christian, as I mentioned in my last post, I was trying to be a perfectionist. I wanted to jump right in and “do church”. It was good for me to be zealous, but my motives were all wrong. Instead of listening to exactly God wanted me to do, I tried doing many things by my own human effort. I tried to achieve perfection in my walk with Christ by my own means. I was trying to mirror the image of a “perfect Christian woman” on my own. My motivation behind this was to measure up to a standard that I had thought God had placed, and that I knew other people in the church had placed too. My self worth was in direct line with this measuring line, and so often I would fall short of it. I felt inadequate each and every time that I “failed God” by not being a perfect woman.
It would be like dressing perfectly, acting perfectly, cooking, cleaning, being handy, etc. for your husband, but not taking any time to talk to him, listen to him, or love him. When we “do church” out of Christian obligation, that is what we are doing to God. We are ignoring him in our pursuit to be a better Christian, and that simply does not work. God wants our love. He wants us, not who we are trying to be, but who He created us to be. He loves us just where we are at.
There is nothing wrong in pursuing excellence in our walk with God, if our motivation is to love and serve him and not to value our self worth by it. Our worth comes from God alone. Not our own acts and deeds. It says that He loved us so much when we are sinners, that he sent his one and only son to die on the cross for our sins. (John 3:16) We were living imperfect lives, and he still loved us that much. There is nothing we can do to make God love us more, and by trying we are showing that we fear not being good enough. 1 John 4:16b- 18 says:
“God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
With all of this said, it is good to remember that even though we have the grace and love of God, we should not take it for granted. He wants our life to be devoted to him- to be holy and sanctified to Him in the ways he instructs in His word. We cannot try by human means to be a “good Christian”, but by the Holy Spirit working through us we can have our lives transformed to be more like Christ. Ask the Lord to reveal your heart and motivation behind your actions, then take time to sit at his feet and listen to Him and His will. Ask for a revelation of His love. The Holy Spirit will guide you and your heart if you let Him.