It has been quite some time since I have written, and a lot has happened. It would have been better if I had shared it as it was happening, but instead I will just make quick work of it. God asked us to move to another city, a smaller one, where we did not know anyone. We weren’t sure how we were going to pay for the move or what He wanted us to do when we got there, but He provided. He showed us great favor in the home we live in, and we were hoping for my husband to get a job just as quickly. That didn’t happen; He had something else in mind. He impressed a church on our heart that He wanted us to attend. It is a lot different than where we have been before, but we know we are supposed to be there. We have met many great people, and have been blessed by a church that has a lot of young families like us. Oh, and shortly after we moved I found out that I am pregnant with our second. He or she is due December 12th of this year!
We had this feeling that provision would come “just in time” when it came to Joe’s job. I think our definition of “just in time” was a lot different than God’s! It has been 3 months, a lot of hardship, and wonderful family and friends who have helped us out. I’m not going to lie, I feel as though I haven’t been very trusting of God lately. My flesh just wants to “try” and do everything myself and my way. I have been arguing with God about why He brought us here and what He wants from us. I have been pleading for money to come in on my time, not His.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” -1 John 4:18
Through my husband, the bible, and time spent in worship, He made me realize how wrong I was to think that anything I could do by my own means would change what He already had planned out. I was worrying (fearing), that the Lord would not come through for us because we had done something wrong. I was searching for ways that I might have sinned and not listened, and repented for everything that I could find. It is good to repent, but in this situation God just really wanted me to trust him no matter what my circumstances are. He wanted me to trust in His promise that he would always provide for his children. He showed so much favor in our move and our living situation, how could I doubt that he was going to provide? At the beginning of this year, I had been praying for a word for the year, and He said, “This will be a year of faith and intercession.” And oh boy, did I ever underestimate what He meant by that!!
Finally, after a good 2 months, I am totally surrendered to His will with our finances. I feel closer to God than I have in a long time. After surrendering, then God continued his purpose for this season. He challenged me further. He brought to mind the story of Jesus telling Peter to catch a fish and take the coin out of its mouth and pay the taxes for both of them. (Matthew 17:24-27) He asked me through this, “If I told you that I had a fish waiting for you at the lake that’s near by, and said that your provision was in its mouth and then asked you to invite people to watch as you went and got it, would you?” The immediate answer in my mind was “no”, to be perfectly honest. “That would be scary, what if I was shamed”… Stop right there! What if I was shamed? Why would I be shamed? Why would I doubt that God would do as he says? Why am I trying to impress people above God? Wow. My heart has really not been in the right place. He changed my heart right then. We are still waiting for a miracle, and I’m up for anything. (Scary thought!)
Now that I’ve gotten very personal about this, let’s take a step back. Why are we as Christians so worried about what other people think about us, instead of being worried about what God thinks? Why are we so quick to conform to man-made “church culture” instead of living out God’s word and his commands? How can we say that we will do His will, but then not even ask what it is out of fear of what He might ask of us? I would like to challenge you on that today too. In the meantime, our family will be waiting for our fish.